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NEWS: True Wyoming Black Metal Band Leaves Sellout Facebook and Returns to Kvlt MySpace

The anonymous-secret-fanless black metal band Restless Undead Negation—Demiurge Maleficent Chaos (or RUN-DMC for short)

has closed and cancelled its Facebook account.

This is the fifth time that the infernal black metal horde plans to depart from Facebook.

RUN-DMC operates out of grandma's garage in Wyoming's frozen village of Buford, which has the official population of 1 inhabitant. Sources close to the Buford solo project’s head honcho named Itztrikky, who prefers the royal “we” when posting, say that this time is for real. Fifth time is the charm. At first, there was great doubt and controversy amongst the population of Buford.

 

The last post stated: "We have decided to leave Facebook. The decision is final this time, not like last time, or the like time before that. We started this elite-totalitarian band (Itztrikky plays loosey goosey with the term “band,” too.) to declare war on false metal sellouts like Marduk, Endstille, Black Witchery and Revenge. We are the true defenders of the honor and anti-egalitarian values of the old ancient black metal from the early days.

No, not the early 80s. We are not referring to the early 90s, either.

We mean back in 2007. Back then, black metal was alive and it was trve kvlt and you would find it on MySpace, which was the place for underground-necro-blasphemous black metal of hell. Hail Satan. Back then, it was great to be 10 years old and to program black metal songs on the computer with classic software and post the hymns of darkness on MySpace and a whole of bunch of dedicated middle school black metal warriors from all over this region of Wyoming would check it out and they would post comments with made-up names and fake profile pictures and it was great! Hail Satan.

How we long for those times of old when we were young and free and 10 years old.

Now life is more complicated, we are 20 years old and the pressures of being an adult has made us bitter and disenchanted: the adult world is full of lies and hypocrisy, and we still don’t even have a boyfriend; people tell you that they will visit you in Wyoming, but they never do, they never come to Buford.

We still don't have our high school diploma and we are studying for the GED and it's very stressful and complex. Hail Satan. We don't have our driver's license because we don't know how to parallel park.

Parallel parking is stupid, anyway. Nobody needs it.

It sucks going to neighboring towns to get all those adult stupid things like a GED, driver’s license, hunting license, gas and makeup for my corpsepaint.

 
 

But we digress. Word up: Facebook is full of posers and we are leaving! We are happy to return to MySpace and get back to the place where it all started for us!

We feel that the true values of black metal cannot be represented on such a sellout site like Facebook. Instead, we will return to MySpace in order to reaffirm our values of loser's elitism and misfit's arrogance because only a few people use MySpace, and that is kvlt.

Another major reason for our return to MySpace is that Justin Timberlake is an owner of the company and we all know that this means that black metal will be taken seriously at MySpace because Justin has always supported blasphemous necro black metal.

 

As everyone knows Justin's old band NSYNC was always kvlt and trve, not like those posers from Backstreet Boys. For that reason and all the other reasons already mentioned, we are done with Facebook.

Facebook, we just wanna tell you that we had enough (that we had enough); might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie, baby, bye, bye, bye.

 
Death to the false humans on Facebook! Hail the elite MySpace! Black metal! Marshmallow! Hellfire! Apocalypse 666!