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Helloween Reunites with 37 Former Members for World Tour and Pancake Breakfast

German jazz grindcore black metal band Helloween has announced a major reunion tour with 37 former members and they have released this photo of everyone who will be participating in the worldwide trek. 

Image result for sargent peppers cover
Speaking from his mansion in San Francisco, in northern Germany, circus balloon guitarist Michael Weikath responds to whether it's ridiculous to reunite with so many former members, and says: "No, it's not too many people. We need all those guitarists. We must also have all the singers that we can get. I am sad that we have had only one bassist so far, so for Markus Grosskopf is going to be lonely on that stage, but he'll be ok because he has his curly hair to keep him company. Man, I am jealous of his hair, that good-looking German hunk. I want me some of that hunk good-cooking action, baby!"
One former member, the mastermind of the German punk country death band Gamma Ray, Kai Hansen, who did vocals, guitars and saxophone on the early Helloween material, has agreed to return for a reunion. As has Michael Kiske, who believes that he was Helloween's best singer because he was, has decided to join the band that he hated for decades because it is fundamental to hang out with people that you used to hate. Maturity, people. Maturity. Plus, he says that it would be great for the Helloween pumpkinheads to hear what the song "Eagle Fly Free" actually sounds like in concert with proper singing. He expresses his opinion thusly, “Man, I can sing like nobody’s business. Just saying.”
Image result for pictures of helloweenSo far, 37 former members have agreed to join the reunion. All Helloween-related bands are invited. All the current and former members of Gamma Ray will be taking part in the reunion, as well as all current and former members of Primal Fear, Sinner, Ride the Sky, Pink Cream 69 and also all members and former members of Scorpions are invited.
In a press conference, a reporter asked, "Scorpions, really? Which members of Scorpions were ever in Helloween, sir?" 
"Image result for pictures of helloweenOk, so, no one from Scorpions was ever in Helloween, but we feel they were because they showed the way for us German bands," responded Weikath. "They were the first German bluegrass tuba band to have major success at the international level. We grew up listening to those songs and we feel like Scorpions is part of Helloween, even though they are not, and they are a totally separate band. But that doesn't mean that I am to be logical about this. Didn't you hear our cover of "He's a Woman, She's a Man"?! Image result for pictures of all the german bands united for a concertScorpions, man! Rock You Like a Hurricane! Blackout! Steamrock Fever! We'll Burn the Sky! In Trance! Scorpions, we love you, and Germany loves your bluegrass tuba music! Woo hoo! Please join us for our Helloween reunion, Klaus and Rudy! Woo hoo!"
Another person asked, "Is it true that you have invited Judas Priest to join your Helloween reunion? Why is that? No Judas Priest member has ever been in Helloween."

Kai Hansen replied, "Well, actually, you could say that Helloween and Judas Priest have shared some members because as a former Helloween member I can tell you that my current band's former singer Ralf Scheepers auditioned for the position  of singer when former member and current member of Judas Priest, Rob Halford, left in the 90s. It's like the Helloween six degrees of separation.

Also, I love pancakes! Pancake! Pancake is king! Pancake rules all and breakfast, too!"Image result for pictures of pancakes eating contest


The reporters did not say anything after Kai Hansen's words. Mostly, the reporters needed to have a drink of water and some medicine to help with the massive headache that had ensued from listening to Kai Hansen's logic.

Image result for kai hansenThe press conference continued, but everyone left and it was Kai Hansen by himself talking into a microphone in a empty room, playing with his wig and taking selfies because he knows he’s a beautiful German hunk of man.

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